We Salute the The Hardest Working Characters in Gaming

While most of America is spending Labor Day relaxing and enjoying the waning heat of summer, we at Tech-Gaming decided it would be fitting to honor the hardest working characters in video games. After all, games have often incorporated working class sensibilities- from the hunting and gathering required by most RPG quests, the farming and maintenance required by Harvest Moon and Animal Crossing, to the accumulation of suburban trinkets in Katamari Damacy.

Mario

                            Left: Mario in 1981, rescuing Pauline. Right: Mario in 2001, temporarily 'displaced'.

A simple glance at Mario’s resume shows both his fortitude and his tendency toward vocational wandering. After entering the job market in 1981’s Donkey Kong, Mario began his career as a carpenter, were an escaped gorilla destroyed his work site. Unflustered by a barrage of barrels, rivets, flames, and cement pies, our hero then moved into plumping/extermination work. Faced with life-size turtles, crabs, and flies, Mario was able to pocket enough gold coins, and left the dreary underground for the Mushroom Kingdom. Forgoing his plumbing skills, Mario embarked on a physical crusade to release the kidnapped Princess Peach in 1985. Here, Mario languished until 2002, when he began on an environmental movement, washing stars with an improvised backpack. Although some believe that Mario practiced medicine under the name “Dr. Mario”, there is no record of his medical degree on file. Today, Mario had enjoyed success from an appearance at the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games, to weekend Kart racing, where he has patched any differences with the Kong family.

Cooking Mama

                   A model displays Mama's new clothing line, Grilled Onion, featuring aprons and head scarves.

The ever-patient and perpetually aproned has now been the star of three games in a scant two years. Rivaling Rachel Ray in both fame and cheer, Mama has developed a systematic way to teach the most kitchen-wary gamer necessary culinary skills. By breaking down the cooking process into a series of short ten second steps, Mama has revolutionized and speed meal creation.

While critics cite her eyes erupting with brilliant flames when apprentices fail at a task, Mama is known by many for her gentle side. “Don’t worry, Mama will fix it.” is her mantra when a recipe step is bungled.  Currently Mama is looking for work, as her publisher Majesco is in danger of being delisted. We wish the best for Cooking Mama on all future endeavors.

Miner 2049er

Bob, in 1983, bravely facing a vat of hazardous materials. Right- Sleek and tone in 2007 after giving up the moonshine.

As a Royal Canadian Mounted Police offer, poor Bounty Bob has been languishing in nondescript caverns for 25 years. Despite the dangers of entering into abandoned uranium mines alone, Bob tirelessly searches every inch of the caves for the treacherous Yukon Yohan. Along the way Bounty Bob must deal with pulverizers, radioactive creatures, and massive amounts of explosives with nothing on his stomach except a donut, coffee, and sip of whisky.

Having evaded pneumoconiosis, a disease common to many miners, Bounty Bob looking surprisingly good for his age. Last year our diligent worker was spotted on cell phones, in a game that recalled his heroic exploits.

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Posted by DesertEagle at 8/31/2008 11:14 PM
Categories: Humor
 

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