Bang Average Football mini-review

In 2008, FIFA 09 introduced Ultimate Team mode, where online players attempted to build their own all-star squad. And once this Pandora’s Box was opened, nearly every major sports game shipped with their own in-game economy, all fueled by the buying, auctioning, and selling of virtual cards. While some players understandably love this component, I resent having to shell out inflated prices for digital items. I’m perfectly fine playing Sensible Soccer/Championship Soccer ’94.

And seemingly so is Ruairi Dorrity, the developer behind Bang Average Football.

Delve into Bang Average (a colloquialism for middling) and you’ll find a decidedly better-than average interpretation of football/soccer. Sure, the sprites might lack motion-captured animation since they’re only a few pixels tall. But the four-button control scheme pares offensive play down to the essentials, as you shoot, cross, make targeted or free passes. Defense is even simpler, allowing you to shift control between players or slide tackle.

And while Bang Average might lack intricacy, it’s an accessible football game that makes the fundamentals of football enjoyable. Set the AI difficulty to ‘easy’ and within a minute or so, you’ll probably score your first goal against an opponent like the Kingsborough Rovers or Stamford Athletic. They might be fictitious teams, but it still feels good to sneak one past their keeper just like you did in Sensible Soccer, Super Sidekicks, or Kick Off 2.

Head into Story mode and you’ll discover that the game’s title isn’t a self-depreciating jab. No, Bang Average refers to the team who just signed you, a football club largely remembered for a disheartening loss decades ago. Across RPG-style conversations, you’ll learn the recently hired manager immediately lost faith upon seeing the team, so you’ll also serve as a team manager. Yes, Bang Average Football’s underdog tale flirts with sports cliché, as both you and the team rise up the ranks. But it’s hard to deny the appeal of the British humor and the sense of affable charm imparted by the game’s cast of characters. Win and the locals will praise your performance.

While Bang Average’s story lacks the intricacy of RPG components found in big-budget sports titles, there are still plenty of objectives to chase down. You can augment your own athlete by completing drills, adding points to eight different stats. Alternatively, management entails everything from making strategic calls to off-the-pitch designs that influence revenue, attendance, and even your sponsors. Should you really want to get your feet dirty, you can plunge into Bang Average, adjusting your home and away kits, requiring players from teams you’ve played, and changing formations. Best of all, all these details don’t cost real-world money, recalling the golden era of digital footie.

Delightfully, Bang Average performs well with very intermittent bouts of slowdown so slight you might not even notice them. At the time of this writing, the game hasn’t earned a Steam Deck verification. But it certainly deserves one, as all input uses the controller, and all text is readable. Undoubtedly, minor inclusions like turning a goal into a .gif make Bang Average Football a contender for your next retro-style sports game.

Bang Average Football was played on PC with review code provided by the publisher.