Stretched Muscle- Cho Aniki Zero Review

For years, outlets such as EGM and Edge have tantalized players with screenshots from the Cho Aniki (Japanese for “Super Big Brother”) series of games. Deemed too bizarre for American audiences, I became intrigued by the game’s outlandish amalgamation of muscle-bound men with Gradius-like horizontal shooting, as I monitored the series from distant shores. Occasionally, rumors of a stateside localization would surface, suggesting that U.S. gamers would be able to enjoy the franchise’s oiled up enemies and laser-spewing Mona Lisa bosses.

After years of vicarious admiration, Aksys Games has brought Cho Aniki Zero: Muscle Brothers into the palms of PSP owners, marking the first time the series has seen readily available to American players. The initiative is to be commended- it’s not often we get to see a title as absurdly wacky as Cho Aniki Zero. Yet beyond a bit of homoerotic humor, the game woefully offers little to most gamers.

What’s the favorite beer of this mini-boss? Rolling Rock, of course!

Those who found hilarity within last summer’s Brüno, will probably derive a few snickers from Cho Aniki’s perpetual stream of toned Adonises, phallic innuendo, and a boss named Balzac the Second. There’s little doubt that the title pushes the limits of the ESRB’s Teen rating, especially when the game over screen displays two protagonist possibly sharing what might be more than a hearty hug. The jokes even spill out onto the options screen, where players choose from the amount of ‘gallons of man juice’ (lives) and ‘number of eruptions’ (screen-clearing bombs) given at the start of the game.

Yet, a stout serving of bawdiness isn’t enough to raise Cho Aniki above mediocrity. As delightfully salacious as the title is, a game needs more than humor to seize the attention of shmup fans. Each of the Cho Aniki’s stages (three are presented on the Easy setting, while five are accessible on Normal) are composed of two alternating elements: waves of reoccurring regular enemies, and a succession of bullet-spewing bosses, whose difficulty often seems disproportionately challenging. Each eliminated foe leaves behind power-ups which gradually augment the power of you offensive weaponry. Don’t expect to see the type of screen-filling arsenals displayed by most contemporary shooters until you use your stream shot; which is initiated by a short quick-time button combo.

What, you never seen a blue-haired angel’s belly button before?

Cho Aniki Zero does have a few variations that help offset tedium; players may choose from two main characters- Idaten, who discharges a triple round salvo, and Benten, who extends a spread-shot. Players that choose the former character are offered a choice of two partners with varying offensive artillery, with the latter offers two sidekicks armed with homing missiles. Regardless of which assistant is chosen, successful players will learn to use the subordinate to block incoming flak fields.

Visually, Cho Aniki Zero is competent, recalling the graphical fidelity of an early Playstation One game. While the title’s sprites lack the campy digital photorealism of Cho Aniki: Kyukyoku Muteki Ginga Saikyo Otoko, few lack imagination- from locomotives with arms to monstrous temples with human heads, the game’s antagonists are nearly universally inventive.

Cho Aniki has no shortage of men in bathtubs.

Cho Aniki Zero: Muscle Brothers is likely to please rapid otaku, who should be able to revel in the title’s unabashed obscurity. More mainstream shmup fans will probably regard the game as an interesting curio, but one that ultimately doesn’t offer enough innovation or polish to warrant its $20 USD price tag. Cho Aniki shows that humor alone isn’t powerful enough to compel a title into proficiency.