Umamusume: Pretty Derby – Party Dash review

Kemonomimi (literally “animal ears”) imagines humans endowed with animal parts. Occasionally, characters will even embody the temperament of their inner creature, whether it’s the playful temperaments and kitty-play of Nekopara or the multiplicity of personalities found across the cast of Kemono Friends.

Likely rooted in folklore and mythology, these fusions of human and fauna can be considered an example of mitate-e, according to one of Japan’s leading psychologists, Tamaki Saitō. For Saitō, these works are art that functions on multiple levels, injecting additional layers of (often humorous) meaning into a story. And that’s the core charm of Uma Musume Pretty Derby.

A multimedia franchise created by Shibuya-based Cygames, Uma Musume began as a manga. Not long after, the property received an anime adaption, a feature-length film, following by the obligatory mobile game.  With the release of Umamusume: Pretty Derby – Party Dash, now PC players can follow rival teams of horse girls. At launch, the multiplayer is nonfunctional, the collection of four mini-games feels sparse, and the accompaniment of a season pass season feels dodgy. But whoa nilly, these mares are cute and there’s an addictive unlockable retro-style title. Let’s hope Cygames’ responds to the issues before the gaming collective puts the title out to the pasture.

Saddle up for Story Mode

If you’re new to Umamusume, be aware that it’s yet another cavernous rabbit hole awaiting you to leap into. The property imagines its cast as the reincarnated souls of actual Japanese racehorses. So, if you’re prone to digging deeper into entertainment properties to discover the facts that inspired the fiction, Umamusume can indulge, in the same way that Azure Lane lures you into learning about warships.

If this is your inroad into Pretty Derby, know that the property’s premise might feel familiar, envisaging another spirited competition between four different schools. Each academy is represented by a five horse-girl team, as they aspire to outpace their opponents at the lively Slapdash Grand Prix. And yes, like any respectable school club property, there’s a variety of personalities and watching the banter that erupts between them can be indulging, if you’re into that kind of thing.

Party Dash unites quite a few different ponies, with its mares culled from the manga, anime, and the mobile title that’s headed stateside. Knowing their affiliations and motivations will undoubtedly elevate the visual novel-style storytelling found in Story Mode. The only issue is that the pixel-art representations of the girls lack the vivid facial expressions of 2DLive-style portraits, so the writing is burdened with the bulk of the storytelling. Largely, it’s satisfactory, and given Party Dash’s emphasis on mini-games, it’s a cut above most mini-game compilations.

Too much Filler in the Horse Feed

But here’s the depressing thing: the quartet of eccentric athletic events aren’t too engaging – and that’s coming from someone who’s a fan of Olympic-style collections. I tried all of Party Dash’s main events first as solo contests and then with a few acquaintances, since each accommodates up to four players. Each time, the matches were mildly interesting but never progressed into an impassioned, “ok, let’s play ONE more” kind of feeling. And forget about playing online. I tried multiple times and couldn’t get the matchmaking to work. As such, I played the game’s four competitions offline.

Blazing Baskets is Party Dash’s rendition of basketball. There are some obligatory novelties, like stacked baskets that provide additional points for when you sink a ball in the higher hoops. Larger balls provide a higher scoring change, while gimmicks like conveyer belts and UFOs with tractor beams inject obstructions into a match. But the straightforward dribbling, stealing, and shooting feel like NBA Jam without the passing.

Dodgeball Demolition places up to four horse girls on a long, rectangular court for a ball-slinging and sidestepping showdown. Given that multiple balls can simultaneously be in play and that it’s possible players with sharp reflexes to catch a throw, Demolition can become mildly energetic. But it’s also not that sophisticated, so monotony will likely materialize after several matches.

At Least There’s a Carrot on a Stick

Gourmet Gauntlet challenges each horsegirl with stacking up food for their partner to eat. Plates are color-coded, so combos are rewarded and there are a few mechanics that let the girls hamper their competitors. While it’s intended to be chaotic, reading crowded areas, where multiple player and food sprites pile up can be difficult. Likewise, Hurtling Hurdles offers a lane-based, obstacle and power-up filled hoof-race. In theory, the stamina management mechanic might seem like a promising idea, but with only a single course, Hurdles’ fun lasts about as long as a five-furlong heat.

Although Pretty Derby’s main mini-games are middling, an unlockable named Golshi’s Grand Adventure 2 deserves a place in the winner’s circle. Sure, it’s rather simple, extending rogue-like progression and shooting in a lane-based auto-runner. But with unlockables within an unlockable, the diversion offers an unexpected amount of longevity. Unsurprisingly, I spent more time with Golshi than any of the core sporting events. Others might find some enjoyment in buying and decorating the horse girl clubhouse. Yet, when side components are some of the most appealing parts of your game, that’s a sign that you probably don’t want to place a full-priced bet on these horse-girls.

Umamusume: Pretty Derby – Party Dash was played on PC with review code provided by the publisher.